A Reason
by Pride Makara
Summary: Gamzee's been distant and Karkat's been ignoring his Moirail latey, so he decides to go see him, what he finds is rather shocking to him. I SUCK A SUMMARIES! Do: Angst and Drama is also included.
1. Chapter 1

**_Hello~!_**

**_MY FIRST HOMESTUCK FIC, SO BE EASY ON ME PLEASE._**

**_i own nothing but the_**_ **motherfucking**_**_ plot. :o)_**

**BE GAMZEE -**

You sit by the ocean, staring at nothing in particular. You twitch and pull on your sleeve, the motherfucking wave's splashes against the rocks and you remember the sound of Tavros blood splashing on your face. You wince and stand up. You don't want to remember, it was not a good sight, not motherfucking good sight at all...

You sigh and walk back to your hive, memories of that night coming and going; you step though the door and lock it behind you.

You grab your hair and pull. You need to get high; the memories are not as bad then. You walk over to the cabinets and look in them... Nothing, that's right. You threw all of that motherfucking shit away.

You growl and sigh, walking into your room, something shimmering catches your eye. You pick it up, it's a blade. The edge is tinted slightly indigo, you laugh and bite your lip.

"Just one more and you'll stop..."

You tell yourself, probably the tenth time, since the first time you grabbed the motherfucking thing. You let out a shaky breath and put it to your wrist, you drag it across a little deep, not deep enough to kill because that would not be a motherfucking miracle!

You stare at the six, pretty deep cuts you now have on your arm. Your breathing is uneven and indigo tears fill your eyes.

"HEY FUCK-ASS, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

You yelp and turn around, pulling your sleeve down. You stare at Karbro.

"YoU mOtHeRfUcKinG sCaReD mE, bRo."

You grin, he has his frown on his face like always. He isn't buying the grin.

"GAMZEE... LET ME SEE YOUR ARM."

Your eyes widen and you pull your arm closer to you.

"GAMZEE..."

Karkat whispers sadly, the tears in your eyes fall over your cheeks as you extend your arm. Karkat takes your arm carefully and lifts up the sleeve, you look away as his breath hitches, you don't want to see his face. He looking at you, you can tell. You can't look back, no you don't want to see the disappointment in his eyes.

He pulls you to the bathroom and cleans the cuts, you don't say anything, you don't even feel anything. You fucked up, motherfucking fucked up bad.

_**A/N: SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? **_

_**shall i continue?**_


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: OKAY._**

**_here's the next chapter. :oD_**

**_ENJOY~!_**

**BE KARKAT -**

You are walking to Gamzees' hive. You haven't seen the fuck-ass clown for two weeks now; you sigh knowing you've been neglecting your moirail.

To being fucking honest, he hasn't been around either. You walk up to his door and knock... No answer, you growl and look under some rocks. You find a key and unlock the door.

Gamzee's not in the living room or kitchen, you sigh and go to his room. He's standing in the middle of the room, staring at his arm.

"HEY FUCK-ASS, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?"

You say rather harsh, Gamzee yelps and turns around, pulling down his sleeve, he stares at you.

"YoU mOtHeRfUcKinG sCaReD mE, bRo."

He grins, you frown and notice his sleeve is wet. You squint a bit, it's indigo. Suddenly something clicks.

"GAMZEE... LET ME SEE YOUR ARM."

You say a bit too loud, his eyes widen and he pulls his arm closer.

"GAMZEE..."

This time you whisper, you see the tears falling from his eyes as he extents his arm out. You take it and gently pull up his sleeve, your eyes widen at the sight of multiple cuts, old and new.

You look at him, tears welding up in your eyes; he won't look back. You take his to the bathroom and clean the cut, bandaging them, you realise. You Karkat Vantas, are the worst moirail ever, you've been ignoring you moirail.

Of course Gamzee hasn't been around, you should have come looking for him after the first three days. A small sob from Gamzee catches your attention, you look at him, he won't meet your gaze.

"GAMZEE..?"

You whisper, he doesn't answer, but another sob escapes his lips. You frown and take him in your arms. He sobs louder now and grabs your shit, you let him.

Shit has gotten Gamzee to do this to himself and you as his moirail must comfort and help him. You shoosh and pap his back. Gamzee sobs quietens, but he still shakes.

You continue to pap and shoosh, till his shaking stops. You pull away and look at Gamzee, he doesn't look back. His eyes are fixed on the floor.

"GAMZEE..?"

You try to talk quietly, he still doesn't look at you.

"GAMZEE, LOOK AT ME."

He winces a bit, before lifting his head to meet your eyes. It brings more tears to your eyes, when you see his. His eyes hold pain and sorrow.

"WHY..?"

You ask sadly, his eyes fill with tears again and he stares off into the distance. The tears in his eyes start to fall, you hold him again and bring him back from the bad thoughts.

"CALM DOWN, GAMZEE..."

You shoosh and pap as he starts to shake and sob again, he cries himself to sleep. You look down at your moirail, even in his sleep he looks troubled.

You sigh and stroke his hair, something has Gamzee very troubled and you Karkat Vantas, must find out. You have been a bad best friend to Gamzee.

He has always been there for you, whenever you needed a friend, now it's your turn. For Gamzee, you are gonna get to the bottom of this.

_**A/N: so, how was it?**_

_**I'M NOT VERY SECURE ABOUT THIS. :oI**_

_**please r&r...**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: HEY! :oD**_

_**this chapter is dedicated to my buddy .stitchesXx**_

_**FOR GETTING ME TO UPLOAD! **_

_**thanks for the reviews and enjoy~!**_

**Be Gamzee -**

Your eyes snap open after another nightmare, you're lying on your bed. You sit up and look around, Karkat's not in the room... Shaking your head you feel dizzy, you put your head down and see the razor.

Your body starts to shake and you look at the door, it doesn't look like Karbro's nearby. Licking your lips, you pick up the razor. Your breathing is rather heavy; you pull up your sleeve and put the razor to your forearm.

"No OnE's HeRe..."

You tell yourself, "JuSt O-"

"GAMZEE!"

You jump and look at the door, Karkat's looking at you horrified. "P-PUT THE BLADE DOWN."

Your eyes fill with tears and you back up to the headboard of your bed, Karkat walks slowly to you. His eyes hold sorrow, you whimper and hold the razor firmly in your hand.

**Be Karkat -**

You watch Gamzee as he looks back at you, he's scared, you can tell from his eyes. Five minutes ago you were sitting on the couch, in the living room, trolling Sollux; when you heard a creak from upstairs.

You came up the stairs to find Gamzee, holding a razor blade to his forearm. You got a little scared and yelled, now that you think about it... That was fucking stupid, no wonder why Gamzee looks terrified.

Breathing slowly, trying to calm yourself, you say softly; "GAMZEE... GIVE ME THE BLADE, PLEASE."

He looks down at his hand, you wince as he opens it. His hand has a cut on it, not deep, but you still have to clean it. He looks back at you and hands you the blade hesitantly. You take it slowly and give him a small smile.

He blinks and smiles back, it's not a true smile and it breaks your heart. You frown and Gamzee backs up again.

"IT'S OKAY GAMZEE... I'M NOT MAD AT YOU..."

And it's true, you're not mad, you're just worried. There was always something about Gamzee that made you feel happy and warm and now he's so scared and depressed...

For some fucked up reason, you feel your heart break more.

"Y-yOu'Re N-nOt..?"

You look him in the eyes. "NO."

He smiles, this time it's a true smile. You feel your heart leap- Wait! What? What the fuck is going on? Why do you feel so warm?

You shake your head, Gamzee tilts his head and tries to stands up. He wobbles a bit before nearly falling over, you grab his arm and he yelps in pain.

You're confused for a second, Gamzee starts to whimper and realise why.

"FUCK! I'M SO SORRY GAMZEE! I DIDN'T MEAN TOO HURT YOU!"

You let go of his arm immediately, he pulls his arm to himself and you feel so guilty. Tears are in his eyes, you wrap your arms around him.

"I'M SORRY... I DIDN'T MEAN TOO.."

You whisper, Gamzee nods.

"It'S oKaY mOtHeRfUcKeR..."

He says quietly, you feel bad... You look him in the eyes, the tears have nearly vanished. You swallow and smile slightly.

"LET'S GET YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR AWHILE, KAY?"

He smiles back and nods.

**Be Gamzee -**

Karkat takes you outside, you look at him unsure, but follow. You don't bother asking where you're going, the miracle of not knowing is fun.

You stop when Karbro stops, he looks at you. For some reason you feel scared, it's not normal for you... But you've haven't felt normal since that day or 'accident' you prefer to call it...

"GAMZEE, ARE YOU OKAY?"

You blink and grin, not that he believes it. "I'm ChIlL, MoThErFuCkEr."

He sighs and you feel bad, it's not like you to be "not okay." It's out of character and you can't help it, you haven't been okay for awhile... You shake your head. No, you won't think about it now...

Karkat's watching you, unsure about what to do. You breathe in and out, giving him a small smile. He frowns and grabs your hand, your heart beats a little fast and you have to keep your head down, so he can't see the blush.

"WhErE aRe We GoInG?"

You finally ask. He looks back at you and smirks lightly* "TO EAT... YOU LOOK LIKE A SKELETON."

"I dO nOt."

You can't help but pout, he laughs at you and you pout more. Karkat shakes his head and pulls you into a cafe, you hear your stomach growl and remember that you haven't eaten for three days now...

You're not gonna tell Karkat, he might get mad and that motherfucker is always scary when he's mad. He pulls you to a table by the window.

"WHAT ARE YOU GONNA EAT, FUCK-ASS?"

He covers his mouth and before he can spit out an apology, you grin. "ThEiR's ThE kArKlEs I kNoW."

He snorts and chuckles a bit, "i WaS gEtTiNg ScArEd ThErE, wOnDeRiNg WhAt HaPpEnEd. YoU hAvEn'T sWeArEd FoR aWhIlE."

"DIDN'T THINK YOU COULD HANDLE IT IDIOT."

You both laugh and for what seems like a long time, it's a true laugh... Maybe with Karkat's' help, you can forgive and move on, maybe...

_**A/N: SO I KNOW MY CHAPTERS ARE SHORT AND I APOLOGIZE.**_

_**i have a hard time keeping focus, so that's kinda why their short...**_

_**R&R AND I'LL TRY HARDER TO MAKE THEM LONGER! **_

_**honk... :o)**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: NEW CHAPTER!**_

_**thanks to all the wonderful reviews. :'o)**_

_**ENJOY MOTHERFUCKERS~!**_

**BE KARKAT –**

You feel pride in hearing Gamzee laugh, it seems like he really needed it. You smile a little, it feels so odd... Gamzee looks at you and grins.

"YoU gOt A nIcE sMiLe, MoThErFuCkInG bEsT fRiEnd. HoNk."

You look down to hide the blush that has crept up across your nose. "SH-SHUT UP, NOOBSUCKER."

Gamzee chuckles and his grin widens; "WhAt ArE yOu HiDiNg FoR kArBrO?"

You feel the blush darken and wonder how you got here. Shaking your head, you refuse to answer his question or look up. You can feel Gamzee watching you and you fidget.

"YoU OkAy..?"

His voice sounds scared and sad, you mentally slap yourself; for making him feel bad again. "I'M OKAY CLOWN FUCK."

You hear Gamzee squirming next to you, after the cafe, you guys went to the cliff; to watch the water. Gamzee told you once, it "calms" him down. Sighing you look at him.

He looks back and stops squirming. His eyes make your breath hitch, Gamzee tilts his head to the side. "WhAt'S gOt YoU aLl Up AnD nErVoUs, MoThEfUcKiNg BeSt FrIeNd?"

Nervous? "I'M NOT NERVOUS, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT?"

"JuSt ThE wAy YoU'rE aCtInG bRo, I mEaN yOu AlL uP aNd GoT yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg BlUsH oN..."

You blink and feel yourself blush more, when did you even start to blush anyway? You look away, why do you feel this way? When your around your moirail, you never feel, well like yourself.

"BeSt FrIeNd..?"

"WHAT GAMZEE?"

Gamzee puts his hand on your cheek and turns your head to look at him, your face heats up more. Licking his lips, Gamzee kisses you, HE FUCKING KISSES YOU. You freeze for a minute, then kiss back.

Why are you doing this? Isn't this wrong..? But it feels right... You both pull away and you look at Gamzee in shock, he's not looking back at you.

"GAMZEE..?"

**BE GAMZEE –**

You just kissed Karkat, what the fuck were you thinking? And he kissed you back, what the motherfuck is going on?

"GAMZEE..?"

Oh gog, what do you say? You don't want him to yell at you and leave you! No! Why are you such a fuck up?

"GAMZEE, LOOK AT ME."

Taking a deep breath and embracing yourself for what you're gonna get, you turn and face him. Karkat looks at you and leans forward, kissing you again. You wait for nothing and kiss him back.

He pushes you on your back and kisses harder, smirking a bit to yourself, you push forward and lick his bottom lip, hesitantly he opens up his mouth.

You plunge your tongue in and explore his mouth, he taste like cherries, slowly his tongue starts to move. You both fight for dominance, teeth clanking together. This goes on for a few minutes, until the need to breathe becomes an issue.

You both pull away, breathing hard you say; "MoThErFuCkEr..."

Karkat snorts and punches your shoulder, "YEAH FUCK-ASS?"

You grin and chuckle. "NoThInG bRo."

"C'MON GAMZEE,"

Karbro gets up and stretches his hand out to you.

"LETS GO BACK NOW."

You take his hand and he pulls you up, turning back toward the road, you begin to walk back to your hive.

The walk is quiet, you don't mind... It gives you time to think a bit.

**BE KARKAT –**

You're holding Gamzees' hand, walking back to his hive, he's quiet and staring off into space. You shake your head and laugh quietly to yourself.

He looks kind of cute and calm, you can't help but smile to yourself. Why was he so depressed? He looks kind of happy right now... You frown, you have to figure this out now! Not just for Gamzee, but for yourself too...

You hate seeing your moirail down, it's not right, you are going to the fucking get to the bottom of this!

Looking up, you finally get to Gamzee's hive, Gamzee unlocks the door and heads straight for the kitchen. You walk to the couch, pushing some empty faygo bottles out of the way, you sit down and wait.

Sitting there gives you time to think more and finally you come to the conclusion... You, Karkat Vantas, are flushed red for your moirail, Gamzee Makara and you will find out why he's so depressed, even if it kill you.

_**a/n: i don't know if it's good... :o(**_

_**R&R, PLEASE!**_

_***thinking of discontinuing***_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: YOOOOOOO! **_

_**so i see lots of people want me to continue. *smiles happily***_

_**SO I WILL AND HERE'S THE NEXT CHAPTER!**_

_**enjoy and r&r. :o)**_

**BE KARKAT—**

Gamzee comes in the room and sits next to you, you take a deep breath and look at him. He'd staring into space; "GAMZEE..."

He shakes his head and looks at you.

"YeAh MoThErFuCkIn BeStFrIeNd?"

You give him a sad look, "TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED."

His eyes widen and he looks away, you put your hand on his shoulder.

"GAMZEE... PLEASE."

He takes in a shaky breath and nods a bit, "F-fInE, i'Ll TeLl YoU.."

Inside you give a victory cheer, Gamzee hunches forward and puts his face in his hands.

"iT hApPeNeD tWo AnD a HaLf wEeKs AgO..."

_**FLASHBACKTIMETHINGY!BEANYONE—**_

_**Gamzee was walking to see his best bro Tavros, the little guy has been depressed lately and he wanted to know why; thinking about how **_**"You can never be depressed, in a miraculous world."**

_**Tavros was sitting in his wheelchair, staring at the ground. Now here's the thing, he was on the roof of his hive. He noticed something moving off to the side, it was the lanky troll Gamzee of course.**_

_**Gamzee was about to walk up the path to Tavros hive, till he saw him sitting on top of the roof. The troll thought that was pretty motherfucking weird, he grinned lazily.**_

"_**HeY tAvBrO, wHaT aRe YoU dOiN' uP tHeRe?"**_

_**Gamzee yelled loud enough for Tav to hear, Tavros blinked and frowned, thinking: **_**'uHH,,, DAMMIT gAMZEE.' **

"_**uHH,,, nOTHING. WHAT uHH ,,, ARE YOU DOING HERE?"**_

"_**CaMe To SeE YoU mOtHeRfUcKeR, yOu SeEm DoWn LaTeLy."**_

_**Tears formed at the corners of Tavros eyes and he had a twisting feeling in his gut. Why out of all days did Gamzee have to come see him now? And at this very hour...**_

_**Tavros breathing was uneven now and his vision was blurring. Gamzee grin fell and he frowned, something was really wrong and he knew it.**_

"_**WhAt'S uP tAv?"**_

_**Tavros shook his head, a small broken sob leaving his lips. Gamzee eyebrows furrowed, what was going on? Why was Tavros so sad? This was all going through his think pan.**_

"_**HaNg On BrO, i'M gOnNa CoMe Up ThErE."**_

"_**NO."**_

_**Gamzee blinked and looked up at Tavros. Tavros was looking back at him, his eyes were filled with pain and sorrow.**_

"_**WhA-"**_

"_**i'M uHH,,, SO SORRY gAMZEE..."**_

"_**WhAt Do YoU Me—TaVrOs!"**_

_**Tavros pushed himself off his chair and off the roof, Gamzee watched in horror as he came falling to the ground, landing with a splat; Tavros last thoughts were **_**'i'M SO SORRY...'**

_**Tavros blood splashed on to Gamzees' face, Gamzees' eyes widen his whole body shaking, world crashing down on him, he screamed and dropped to his knees. His heart ached. **_

_**It didn't matter what he did now, his best friend was dead. The smell hit him hard, the horrible smell of Tavs' blood, it made him gag. Gamzee didn't want to be there anymore, so he got up and ran, ran as fast as he could...**_

_**ENDOFFLASHBACKTIMETHINGY!**_

**STILL BE KARKAT—**

"ThE nExT tHiNg I cAn ReMeMbEr Is WaKiNg Up, WiTh A rAzOr ClUnChEd In My HaNd, AnD a BlOoDy aRm..."

You look at Gamzee, he's shaking and grinding his teeth together.

"GAM—"

"I cOuLd HaVe HeLpEd HiM kArKaT!"

Gamzee throws himself on to you and sobs, you wrap your arms around him and pap his back. You wish you could say something comforting. This has never happened to you before, you haven't even heard about Nitram.

Gamzee continues to sob and shake and to you it doesn't seem he's gonna stop anytime too. You decide it's best just to let him, so you lay back against the couch and hold him.

Gamzee gives out another broken sob and your heart clenches, you hate seeing him like this, this isn't the Gamzee you know. This troll you are holding is a terrified, hurt, lost puppy, knowing that you vow to make him feel better.

If you didn't come looking for Gamzee... What would have happened? What happens if he killed himself? Oh gog, you don't want to think about it.

To get your mind off it, you watch Gamzees' breathing. Sometime he must have fell asleep, while you were in your own world. He breathes in, shudders, out. This repeats.

You wipe your eyes, they're wet, when did you start crying? You shake your head and look down at Gamzee, he whimpers and his face twists in discomfort, probably having a nightmare...

"SHHH, GAMZEE... IT'S OKAY..."

You kiss his forehead and run your hair through his messy hair, while you shoosh and pap him.

He calms down and snuggles into you, you chuckle; Gamzee cute when he sleeps. Your thoughts are weird, it's going to take some time getting use to them. Sighing to yourself, you start to daydream.

**Be GaMzEe –**

_You're standing in the middle of a field, no one's around for what looks like miles. You smile slightly to yourself and sit down._

_You hear a snicker behind, that makes you jump, turning your head around; you see Tavros. He looks so bloody and broken, this motherfucking scares you._

_Taking in a shaking breath, you turn and face him. "T-tAv—"_

"_WHY gAMZEE?"_

_You swallow and shudder at the way he sounds, that voice isn't his._

"_WhAt D-do YoU m-MeAn..?"_

_Tavros eyes narrow and his face screams hatred to you._

"_WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE ME YOU FUCKING, STUPID LOOKING, ASSHOLE!"_

_He doesn't stutter or loses his cold glare, that motherfucking scares you bad! You whimper and back up, all of a sudden, everything around you is pitch black and cold._

_It's only you two there, in the back of your head; you can hear Karkat. You can feel him papping you, it seems like he takes everything away..._

You wake up, but keep your eyes shut. You can feel Karkat watching you. Karkat... Your only miracle left... The only person there for you, the only person who cares...

You feel like bawling your eyes out again, you clench them shut and clutch Karkats' shirt. Karkat is the only one you got left, your goatdad was never there...

You are never going to let him go, if you do there would be no reason in living anymore... You, Gamzee Makara are broken and Karkat Vantas is the possibly the only one who can fix you.

If Karkat leaves you, you might as well kill yourself, 'cause you have nothing to live for...

**_A/N: WHO SAW THAT COMING? xoD_**

**_heh heh, i hope you liked it._**

**_OKAY!_**

**_so if anyone wants me to update faster PM me._**

**_AND THE FIRST TO PM ME I WILL DO A ONESHOT FOR YOU, WITH ANY YOAI HOMESTUCK PAIRING! :oD_**

**_so go! _**


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: I AM SO MOTHERFUCKING SORRY! :O(**_

_**i have a reason i didn't update faster!**_

_**I COULDN'T FEEL MY LEGS ALL WEEK AND COULD BARELY WALK!**_

_**i thought i was gonna end up like tav...**_

_**IT'S SHORT AND I TRUELY APOLOGIZE...**_

_**i'm not feeling so happy right now, actually i was thinking about suicide. o_o**_

_**BUT I AM LISTENING TO : DON'T JUMP - TOKIO HOTEL.**_

_**it's making me feel a little better...**_

_**ANYWAY, I'M SURE NO ONE CARES FOR AUTHOR NOTES.**_

_**so i'll shut the motherfuck up and let you read...**_

**BE SOLLUX –**

It's been a day since you heard from Karkat, he trolled you about Gamzee, and he seemed really upset. Apparently the adorable clown is depressed and doing bad things to himself.

Gamzee has been you flush crush for awhile now and it really worries you that something is wrong with him; you wish KK would troll you again or something...

You sit back in your seat and sigh.

"Gamzee..."

Shaking your head, you get up. Might as well go visit, you've been itching to see Gamzee all week. And besides, it will be fun to see KK for a bit.

Getting dressed, you walk out, locking the door behind you and walk to Gamzees' hive.

**BE KARKAT—**

You're playing with Gamzees' naturally messy hair, he's just sitting there staring off into space. He's been quiet since he got up, it kind of worrying you. "GAMZEE...?"

He doesn't say anything back, but tilts his head, you groan in frustration. "ARE YOU OKAY?"

Gamzee nods and it pisses you off.

"CAN YOU AT LEAST SAY SOMETHING?"

You yell, he flinches; "SoRrY..."

Great... Now you feel like an asshole, you open your mouth to say something, but there's a knock t the door. Gamzee gets up to answer it.

"Oh, HeY sOlBro."

He greet Sollux, Sollux grins. "Hey Gamzee,what'2 up?"

You watch them talk before making yourself noticeable.  
"HEY SOLLUX."

He looks at you and his grin widens, "Oh, hey KK."

You roll your eyes at the stupid nickname, Gamzee snickers, at least his mood has picked up, they come sit next to you. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"ii thought ii 2hould come 2ee you guy2... And ii wa2 bored."

If it's even possible, his grin gets better and it freaks you out, Gamzee flinches and you're sure he just got the chill you got... Everything goes quiet again, Gamzee goes back to his room, that leaves you with Sollux and you notice his aura got a little bit sad.

You think about for a moment and it starts to bug you, Sollux looks at you and you kind of glare back. He gives you a confused look; "What'2 the matter KK?"

"NOTHING."

"Are you 2ure?"

"YEAH."

"Can you quiit glariing at me then..?"

"SORRY."

True is you aren't sorry, Gamzee comes back in the room and freezes, probably feeling the tension in the air. "WhAt'S uP iN hErE?"

He asks in the quietest voice you have ever heard, coming from him anyway. You look at Sollux and he's beaming, since when did he get all happy?

"Nothiing, KK ii2 just crabby."

"SHUT IT CAPTOR!"

You yell, making Gamzee go silent and Sollux glare at you, you glare back colder. You have a funny feeling that he's only here for Gamzee and it bugs the fuck out of you!

"GeT yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiNg ChIlL oN, bRos..."

You sighs and nod your head; "2orry Gam, diidn't mean for the trouble we cau2ed you!"

Sollux said with a small smile, you mentally gag, what a fuckass. Gamzee smiles back, but you can tell it's not actually there.

You wish Sollux would leave; he's kind of pissing you off... Gamzee looks a little uncomfortable too, Sollux doesn't seem to notice he's unwanted. Gamzee yawns and you look at him. "TIRED?"

He nods, Sollux frowns; "ii 2hould go now then, ii'll 2ee you guy2 later..."

"ByE sOlBrO."

Gamzee says lazily; "YEAH, SEE YA."

You grin to yourself at how annoyed he seem, Sollux leaves and you watch Gamzee. He's rubbing his eye in such a childish manner, you can't help but, find it really cute.

"I'm GoNnA gO gEt My WiCkEd Z's On BrO."

"OKAY, HAVE A GOOD REST GAMZEE.."

You give him a smile and he smiles back, you hope he doesn't have nightmares tonight. Gamzee wishes you a goodnight and heads off to sleep, you sit there and think of something you two can do tomorrow.

Without realising it, your eyes slowly close and you head off into a dreamless slumber. Your last thoughts are: **'Have a nice sleep Gamzee, I love you...'**

_**A/N: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!**_

_**honk. :o(**_

_**HONK!**_

_**r&r, tell me what you think, you know the motherfuckin drill.**_

_**TILL NEXT TIME BROS!**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: HEY~! **_

_**new chapter...**_

_**I'M SURPRISED I GOT THIS DONE!**_

_**:'o( my best friend is dying of heart cancer and i've been real depressed about it...**_

_**SHE'S MOSTLY THE ONLY ONE I HAVE...**_

_***tears fill my eyes***_

_**THANKS YOU TO ALL WHO SUPPORTED ME LAST CHAPTER!**_

_**it meant alot...**_

_**ANYWAY...**_

_**r&r and enjoy...**_

**BE GAMZEE –**

You're sitting in your room, listening to Karkat snores coming for downstairs, what a cute little motherfucker. You grin stupidly to yourself, Sollux left about an hour or two ago... He was pissing off Karbro without even trying and you didn't want any drama, so you lied about going to bed.

To be truthful, you didn't mind him being here one bit, fucking guy is full of miracles! With the cool motherfucking 3D glasses and that cute lisp. You wouldn't tell Karkat that, he'd flip his shit and most likely call you down.

Listening closely, you noticed the snoring stopped. You can hear someone coming up the stairs, you smirk lightly to yourself and pretend to sleep. Karkat peeks in on you, grumbling when he can't see anything.

You hear him come closer to the bed, you let your arm hang over and feel his pants, he's standing over you. Your smirk grows as he looks you over, probably making sure you are actually sleeping. You hear him sigh and turn around, ready way you grab his pant leg, scaring him and making him yelp.

You open your eyes and burst out laughing at how he looks, you never saw that one before, so confused, shocked, scared and embarrassed! He glares at you with cold eyes, you shut up automatically.

His eyes soften; "YOU LITTLE FUCKASS..."

He says quietly to you, your fears leave as soon as they come, for the past couple of days Karkat has been nothing but nice to you and you figured out feeling you had for him, that you didn't even know were there.

You sit up and move aside for the little motherfucker to sit down. You both sit there in silence, not that horrible uncomfortable, that miraculous one. You look at him and he looks back, your eyes lock with his.

He leans closer to you, knowing what he wants, you kiss him. You push him down on the bed and get on top of him, kissing him harder, you nip at his bottom lip. He gasps and you dart your tongue into his mouth.

You both fight for dominance, it ends with you winning, flicking you tongue across his upper jaw, he moans. This surprises you, Karkat's blushing, probably embarrassed. You do it again, hoping for the same results, Karkat is not cooperating and forces it back down.

You frown and move to his neck, hopefully getting a noise out of him. Sucking and nipping at sensitive parts, Karkat squirms and moans, you slip your hand under his shirt and tweak one of his nipples, he lets out a particular louder moan and this pleases you.

You straddle Karkats' waist, he looks at you and tugs on your shirt, awkwardly you take it off. Karkat looks at you with a sheepish grin, you lean down and nip his neck, making him gasp and moan.

Slowly you sneak your hand under his pants; "GAMZEE, WHAT ARE Y-"

You give his genitals a little squeeze, Karkat lets out another load moan; "GAAAMMMZZZZZEEEEEEEEEE..."

Grinning to yourself, you start to stroke the full length of his penis. Karkat pushes you away and takes off his shirt, you lick your lips and he blushes. "KEEP YOUR EYES IN THERE SOCKETS FUCK-ASS."

"CaN't HelP bUt StArE, yOu'Re So SeXy."

He blushes more and you nip at his chest smiling, Karkat groans and tugs on your pants; "O-OFF.."

You nod and obey the order, Karkat goes down and takes you in his mouth slowly, you let out a groan of pleasure. He bobs his head at a slow paste; "MoThErFuCk! QuIt TeAsInG..."

You whine, making him chuckle, the vibration sends waves of pleasure up your spine. Karkat gives a rather hard suck and you lose it, you climax and he tries to swallow everything, a bit dribbles down his chin as he pulls away with a satisfying "pop."

You grab Karkat and pull him down for a rough kiss, tasting your own juices. He lays on his back and pull you on top of him, without breaking the kiss. You nibble on his bottom lip and slowly pull down his pants, Karkat gasps as the cold air hits his throbbing penis.

You chuckle and put your fingers to his mouth; "SuCk."

He glares at you but sucks on them anyway, you squirm as he carefully moves his tongue around the digits, watching him you feel yourself become hard again. You take your hand back and put a finger in front of his entrance. Looking at him, he nods and you stick it in pass the ring of muscles. Karkat squirm and gives you an uncomfortable look, you give him a soft kiss. He wraps his arms around your neck and kisses you harder, slowly you slip another finger in and begin to use them in a scissor motion.

Karkat yelps and you kiss his neck, hopefully he'll take it as an apology. He squirms before relaxing, you brush your finger against something and Karkat lets out a loud moan, smirking you realize you found his sweet spot.

You pull your fingers out and Karkat groans at the lost; "WHAT THE FUCK..?"

You smirk at him and position yourself, putting one of his legs over your shoulder, you look at him; "ReAdY..?"

He blushes and nods, you push in slowly; Karkat face twists in discomfort and whimpers. Soon as you're all the way in, you wait and watch Karkat.

He slows down his breathing before moving his hips, you get the idea and slowly start to thrust in and out. Karkat moans; "G-GAMZEE..."

"MoThErFuCk KaRbRo... So TiGhT..."

You have to grind your teeth together, to stop yourself from fucking him senseless. You hit a certain spot and Karkat screams out your name; "G-GAMZEE! F-FASTER! H-HARDER!"

You nod and start to thrust faster, hitting his sweet spot every time. You wrap your hand around Karkats' penis and stroke along with the pace, not long after Karkat cums and so do you.

You fall beside him, watching out to make sure you don't crush him. You pull yourself out and Karkat grunts and curls up beside you. Slowly you pull the covers over the both of you and kiss his forehead.

He smiles and nuzzles your neck; "LOVE YOU GAMZEE..."

He whispers, you eyes widen and a small smiles washes over your face. Holding him close, you whisper back; "LoVe YoU tOo KaRkLeS..."

He closes his eyes a smile on his lips and falls asleep, you follow right after him, keeping the smile on yours.

_**A/N: THAT WAS MY FIRST LEMON! _**_

_**i'm sorry, i feel like that shouldn't of been there...**_

_**ARGH!**_

_**why am i so dumb?**_

_**I HOPED YOU ENJOYED AT LEAST...**_

_**i promise i'll update sooner, i just can't keep myself together right now...**_

_**MOTHERFUCKER!**_

_***hold self crying and rocking back and forth***_

_**REVIEW PLEASE...**_

_**it gives me something to smile a little about...**_


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N: SORRY..._**

**_everthing's going to seem a bit motherfucking rushed. __**

**_I GOT ALOT ON MY THINK PAN, OKAY?_**

**_anyway r&r..._**

**BE SOLLUX –**

You got the odd feeling Karkat hates you or something, he was really rude to you the other day and not his normal rude either... But you guess you can get over it, it was worth it to see Gamzee.

You smile lightly to yourself, you guess you should go see them again today, KK will just have to fucking deal with it. Nodding to yourself, you get ready and head out.

**BE GAMZEE –**

You open your eyes slowly and see Karkats' peaceful looking face, it brings a small smile to your lips. You sit up slowly and look at your arms, you frown and shake your head. The scars and scabs are getting to you, they look horrible, it sickens you.

You snarl and punch the wall, Karkat eyes shoot open and he yelps, you feel a little bad now... "SoRrY mOtHeRfUcKeR..."

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?"

You look at the wall, well the hole in the wall. "PrEtTy ObViOuS bRo..."

Karkat shakes his head and frowns, well that was a nice way to wake him up. He sighs and grabs his boxer, you watch him get dress, before getting yourself dress. You both go down stairs; you head to the kitchen a grab a faygo. Karkat follows you, you give him a small smile and crack open the wicked elixir and take a sip.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TODAY, FUCK-ASS?"

You twist the cap back on the bottle and shrug, "I dUnNo, WhAt AbOuT yOu MoThErFuCkeR?"

He shrugs, "I WAS HOPING YOU WOULD KNOW."

You frown and open your mouth to say something, but there's a knock at the door. Karkat looks at you and raises an eyebrow. You give him a sloppy grin and go answer the door. Your eyes meet Red and Blue sunglasses.

"Oh, HeY mOtHeRfUcKeR."

Sollux smiles at you; "Hey Gz."

Karkat comes around the corner and his frown deepens when he sees Sollux. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE NOOBSUCKER?"

Sollux looks at him and grins.

"Can't ii vii2iit?"

You look at Karkat and tilt your head, he growls and goes to the kitchen. You look back at Sollux and smile, "CoMe In."

"Don't miind iif ii do."

He walks in and you both go to the kitchen, Karkat doesn't look at him when you guys sit down, "How are you two this lovely morning?"

"WELL... I WAS RUDELY AWAKENED BY THIS CLOWN-FUCK, BUSTING A HOLE IN THE WALL."

Karkat glares at you and Sollux raises an eyebrow, "CARE TO EXPLAIN WHY, GAMZEE?"

You squirm in your seat, feeling really uncomfortable. Karkat raises his eyebrow next, you look down and tug on your sleeves, Karkat frowns and looks away; "NEVERMIND..."

All three of you enter a awkward silence, Sollux is the first one to speak up, which you are thankful for.

"So... What are you two goiing to do today?"

"WE HAVEN'T DECIDED."

You stare down at the table, thinking about Tavros. You can feel tears filling your eyes.

"GAMZEE?"

"Gz?"

You snap out of that thought and look up, they both give you a look of confusion.

"You okay?"

You wipe your eyes and nod; "Um... YeAh, JuSt GoT sOmEtHiNg In My EyEs..."

The look on their faces tells you they don't believe you, Sollux opens his mouth to say something, but Karkat cuts him off.

"FORGET IT THEN."

You nod, Sollux frowns and give you a concern look, you give him a small smile, silently telling him it's okay. Karkat sighs and glares at Sollux, you have a feeling he's jealous or something... You're not quite sure.

**BE KARKAT –**

You're starting to hate Sollux a bit and the way Gamzee's smiling at him, doesn't help. You're not jealous, you just don't like how close they're acting... Yeah...

"WeLl... NoW wHaT, bRos..?"

Gamzee cuts off your train of thought, you look at him and he stares back. "GIVE ME A FEW MINUTES TO THINK!"

You yell at him, kind of harshly. He looks down and mumbles a sorry, well that made you feel fucking bad.

"Gezz KK, iit wa2 ju2t an iinnocent que2tiion."

Sollux glares at you, you glare back. You were feeling bad enough for yelling at Gamzee, you don't need Sollux making you worst. You both continue to give each other a death glare, Gamzee coughs and shifts his body weight nervously.

"GeT yOuR mOtHeRfUcKiN' cHiLls On... I sHoUlD hAvE jUsT kEpT mY mOuTh ShUt..."

Now you feel even worse, you're starting to forget how fragile Gamzees' think pan is. Sollux breaks away from your glare and gives Gamzee a sad look.

"iit's okay Gz... You diidn't do anythiing wrong."

He makes you sick, Gamzee looks up and gives Sollux a small smile. "ThAnKs BrO."

At the moment you're feeling kind of third-wheel/ish... It's not a nice feeling, Gamzee and Sollux look at you and you let out a frustrated sigh.

"WhAt'S aLl Up In YoUr ThInK pAn... BrO?"

"NOTHING IMPORTANT CLOWN-FUCK."

You don't know why you feel so angry, more angry than normal. Gamzee stands up and gives you a sad look. "BrO..?"

You don't like that look on his face or the voice he's using. You stand up too and glare at Gamzee. "WHAT?"

"CaLm DoWn..."

That's it... You snap.

"DON'T TELL ME TO "CALM DOWN", YOU FUCKING DEPRESSING, STUPID AS FUCK CLOWN!

Sollux eyes widen and Gamzee opens his mouth to say something.

"BrO I-"

"NO, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING STUPID?"

Gamzee eyes water and he starts to apologize, but you yell at him more and punch him, right in the middle of the face, everything goes silent...

_**A/N: MOTHERFUCKING MIRACULOUS CLIFF-HANGER.**_

_**hahahahaha.**_

_**HOPE YOU EN-FUCKING-JOYED.**_

_***frowns* ...**_

_**SORRY I'M IN A BAD MOOD RIGHT NOW...**_

_**see you next chapter...**_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N:** SORRY I MOTHERFUCKING TOKE SO LONG...**_

_**shit has hit the whirling device.**_

_**AND I HAVE A LOT OF SHIT ON MY MIND.**_

_**it's short, i know...**_

_**THANKS FOR ALL THE GREAT REVIEWS...**_

_**i appreciate them all..**_

_**ENJOY BROS!**_

**Be Karkat –**

You can't believe what you just fucking did! You punched Gamzee, he's not even looking at you, his head is turned to the side. Gog, why are you so fucking stupid? You open your mouth to say something.

"GAMZEE.. I—"

"just leave motherfucker..."

"WHAT..?"

"I SAID MOTHERFUCKING LEAVE!"

Your eyes widen and fill with candy red tears, you let your head hang as you walk out the door. As soon as you get out, you run and you don't stop.

You have no idea where you're going, your legs hurt, but you can't stop, you can't look back. You're such a fuckass, a stupid, horrible, fuckass. You don't deserve a lover or best friend like Gamzee...

**Be Sollux –**

You stand there silently, Gamzee has his head down, his shoulders are shaking... You swallow a bit and walk toward him slowly. You open your mouth and look for something comforting to say.

"G-Gamzee..?"

He says nothing, you're behind him now and a tiny bit frustrated.

"Gz..?"

Still nothing, so you wrap your arms around him and hug him. Gamzee lets out a sob and you hold him tighter, poor guy, most feel horrible. You shake your head and mumble an apology.

Gamzee turns around and hugs you back, you sigh quietly and rub his back as he sobs loudly. You swear... Next time you see Karkat, you'll kill him, what kind of moirail does that to his moirail?

Best friends? Pfft, yeah right. Stupid, little, fucking asshole. You hope he's fucking proud of himself, Gamzee doesn't deserve any of this...

You pull Gamzee to the couch and sit down, he lays down and curls up into a ball, his head in your lap. You stroke his hair and whisper comforting words to him, Gamzee whimpers and curls up tighter.

"2hhh, Gz... iit'2 okay..."

**BE GAMZEE –**

You hear Sollux, he's telling you it's **'Okay,' **But it's not okay. Not motherfucking okay at all... You think your heart is broken, shattered into a million motherfucking pieces. Such little motherfucking pieces, torn apart and broken..

You sob louder again and snake your arms around Sollux's waist, you loved Karkat, with the flush color red. He was your everything, your hope that kept you trusting, your light to your soul... You seriously wish you were motherfucking dead...

'**Then why not kill yourself?'**

You shake your head and your body trembles.

'**AND WHY THE MOTHERFUCK NOT? someone will just going to hurt you again.'**

You want to tell the voices no, but you don't feel like talking, all you want to do is cry and lay there; in Sollux's lap, it's motherfucking comfy...

'**OR BETTER YET! why not kill the punch blooded motherfucker?'**

You gasp and shake your head harder.

"Gz? Are you okay?"

You hear Sollux say, but you can't answer him, the voices are too loud and you can't find your own voice.

'**C'MON MOTHERFUCKING! it will be motherfucking miraculous! HONK!'**

You jump up and clutch your head, your body shakes, you can't control it.

"Gamzee?"

'**you know you want too... SO MOTHERFUCKING DO IT! kill the motherfucker.** **MAKE HIM MOTHERFUCKING BLEED!'**

"NO! no, no ,no, no, no, no!"

You scream and clutch your head harder, Sollux is yelling something at you, you just want everyone to shut up.

'**do it! DO IT!'**

"SHUT THE MOTHERFUCKER UP MOTHERFUCKER!"

You scream, Sollux stares at you. You jump up and run to him and you clutch on to his shirt and cry harder than ever.

"make them stop... PLEASE, MAKE THEM STOP!"

"Make who 2top?"

You cry louder, realizing Sollux can't hear them, no one but you can.

'**what's the matter motherfucker? CAN'T HANDLE A MOTHERFUCKER?"**

You scream, you cry, you clutch tighter on Sollux's shirt.

"Gamzee! What'2 the matter?"

You can't answer, you can't... Everything goes black.

_**a/n: so...**_

_**HOW WAS IT?**_

_**i can't promise faster updates...**_

_**BUT I WON'T DISCONTINUE.**_

_**i'll promise that.**_

_**LESS THAN THREE, MOTHERFUCKERS.**_

_**less than three...**_

_**HONK!**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: NEW UPDATE?**_

_**yes, yes it is.**_

_**I'VE WAS FEELING BIPOLAR THROUGH THIS WHOLE CHAPTER. ._.**_

_**so it's hazy, sorry.**_

_**ENJOY MOTHERFUCKERS.**_

**Bee Sollux –**

What the fuck just happened? One minute Gamzee's screaming and freaking out badly, the next he's laying on the floor quiet and unmoving. He really freaked you out, swallowing a bit, you get on your knees and look him over.

His breathing is heavy, but other wises okay. You sigh, relieved and check him over for any bruises or cuts. With all the things he was doing, it worries you. Patting him down and noticing nothing, you sit back.

"Gz..."

You whisper to yourself, **'****make them stop... PLEASE, MAKE THEM STOP!" **Who was he talking about? You and him are the only ones here... No one was saying anything either, what's wrong with him? Is he going through the shock from what happened with KK?

You shake your head, no time to think about that fucker. Taking in a deep breath, you lean over and wrap one of Gz's arms around you and lift him slowly, trying not to wake him. Surprisingly, he's not that heavy. He's really light actually... Fuck, does he even eat?

You lay Gz on the couch gently and walk over to the kitchen, you put your hand over your mouth and bite down on your hand. Sighing, you try to stop the frustration from taking over you. You're really worried about him and thinking about it more, you're really mad at Karkat... Really mad, REALLY FUCKING MAD! Argh, you mean really... Who does that, to someone sweet and caring as Gamzee?

You wonder if Gz has any Mind Honey... Getting lost in that thought, you start digging around. Everything seems empty. _'I wonder how long Gz will sleep...' _Biting your lip, you decide to go out and buy him some groceries... Can't hurt, hopefully he doesn't wake up.

Checking on Gz one more time, you head out. Karkat better not be around or all hell will break lose. Grinning to yourself, you close the door and start walking down the road. Oh yes, hell will be unleashed, for Gz of course.

**BE KARKAT –**

You find yourself alone, sitting on a rock, by a cliff. It's peaceful and gives you time to thing. How can you make this up to Gamzee? Why'd you do it in the first place? Gamzee was mentality unstable already... How bad is h now?

A picture of Gamzee scarred and cut wrists passes through your head, making you cringe and nearly cry. Candy red tears appear and you just got rid of the, Just. Fucking. Great.

Taking in a shaky breath, you calm yourself again. You don't need to cry right now, you need to fucking figure this out. You bet that fuckass Captor is sitting there right now, having sloppy make outs with YOUR Gamzee and groping him. You let out a frustrated yell and slam your fist onto the rock, beneath you.

You're not making yourself feel any better, if fact... You're making yourself feel fucking worst, you swear, if Captor touches /YOUR/, you got that? YOUR FUCKING GAMZEE, you'll gut him. Use your sickles and rip his stomach out.

Fuck, is this you really talking? Oh well, you like the thought, it brings comfort. Even if it's small, it's still there. Slowly you pull your knees to your chest and wrap your arms around them, laying your head on top, you think...

Are you good for Gamzee?

Maybe Captor would be better...

Are you the type, to be a good lover?

You read a lot of romance novels... But does it really help?

Fuck, you didn't even check up on Gamzee when he wasn't around. Nobody did, everybody was off, doing their own thing. That fuckass Tavros was always with him anyway... But, you guess Tavros had too much on his self too.

How come none of you knew Tavros committed suicide?

Why didn't Gamzee tell any of you? Especially you...

Did he fall that fast in too depression?

How bad was it... For him to witness it?

So many question and no fucking answers... You really wish you could talk to Gamzee about this, if would have been good if you two had a feeling jam... But no, you fucked it up, like you always do... What happens if Gamzee commits suicide?

Are you going to blame yourself? 'Cause now that you think of it, it will be your fault... You need to talk to someone, someone you trust... You wonder what Kanaya, maybe she could help, with some answers...

**BE Gamzee –**

_Everything's silent, it's cold, you swallow some and look around. Rubbing your arm, you begin to walk. It's so dark, you don't motherfucking like it, it's motherfucking creepy. No one's here, no Sollux, Karkat... No Tavros..._

_Finding a small spot to sit, you sit there. Curling up to get some heat, why'd it have to be so cold? It's so motherfucking lonely too._

"_Karkat... Where did everybody motherfucking go?_ _I'm so lonely..."_

_You start to sob quietly to yourself, you've been doing that a motherfucking lot lately. You don't think you'd have this many problems if Goatdad stayed... Did he even love you? _

"_Probably not..."_

_You whisper, a breeze runs through your clothes, making you shiver._

"_So cold..."_

_Where are you anyway? Holding yourself together, you scream: "I'M SCARED, SO MOTHERFUCKING SCARED!"_

_It's not fun, you never felt this lonely before... Never felt this pain before, it's worst than with Tavros, you miss the little motherfucker though... You miss Karkat too..._

"_You were my everything Karkles... Why, why'd you do it? Why'd you have to ruin it..."_

_Wait, did Karkat ruin it? Or did you? _

_..._

"_I'm sorry Karkat, please come back... You can hit me and call me down all you want... Just don't leave me alone... Please, not alone..."_

_You begin to sob, it's the same old story... You're tired of chancing everything... Maybe living isn't worth it, maybe you should just die. The only good thing about right now is the voice is gone... Hopefully it doesn't come back... Hopefully..._

**_a/n: thanks for the reviews, it puts a small smile on my face everytime._**

**_NOW..._**

**_i got asked for marriage, my answer to the both of you is..._**

**_TOO MOTHERFUCKING YOUNG. XoD_**

**_but thanks for trying. :o)_**

**_HONK!_**

**_till next time~!_**


	11. Chapter 11

_**A/N: WHAT'S THIS?**_

_**an update?**_

_**YEAH, SORRY, LOT OF STUFF HAPPENED.**_

_**i cracked my ankle, so now i'm wearing a cast and my moirail fucking dropped me, like trash.**_

_**TO SAY, I DIDN'T HAVE A GOOD WEEK. :o(**_

_**well anyway, enjoy, sorry for the errors and if some of it doesn't make sense...**_

**Be Gamzee –**

You wake up and look around blinking, doesn't seem like Sollux is around, that's good; you need time to think. You sigh and pull up your sleeves, to look at your arms, motherfucking cuts and scars, that's all you see. A deep indigo color, gone ugly, with scabs ruling over.

You close your eyes and remember waking up, after the first time you cut yourself…

**FLASHBACKTHINGY—CONTINUE/BEING/GAMZEE**

**You open your eyes and wince, it hurt, it hurt badly. Where were the motherfucking miracles? The rainbows? Everything seems so grey… Where were your bros? Why aren't they here?**

**Nothing… Where's Karkat? Your best motherfucking friend, why isn't he here? To shoosh and pap you, to tell you everything will be okay? Do any of them care? Is this what the world really is… A place, so dark and hollow? **

**You slowly sit up and put a hand to your head, you feel something wet and look down, your eyes widen at the sight. Indigo color blood, everywhere, you look at your arms and start shaking your head.**

**Everything is spinning, your wrist throb and your heart races, grabbing on to the sink, you pull yourself up. You hold onto the sink and look inside the mirror, dead eyes stare back, with tear streaked cheeks, you look horrible. So motherfucking horrible, you notice the blade off to the side, a small indigo tint of the blade. Images of Tavros flash through your eyes, realization hits you, hard. No one cares, no one motherfucking cares.**

**You lower yourself onto the toilet seat, making sure you put down the top first and take the blade into your hand. You breathe in and out, gritting your teeth, you put the blade to your forearm and bring it across slowly, you close your eyes tightly. It hurt, it hurt so good, it brought the pain from your heart and made it shallow. If only for a minute or a second, this helps and it feels good.**

**You begin to laugh, loud and manically, is this what you want? No, it's what you need, to make the pain numb down.**

**You are Gamzee Makara and you think cutting is going to take over your life.**

**LET'—**

**STILL GAMZEE! –**

You chuckle and get up, today you aren't going to cut yourself, you're going out and getting drunk. Numb the pain with alcohol, you heard it helps. Grabbing a sweater, with you symbol on it, you walk out the door, remembering to lock it behind you.

**BE KARKAT—**

You look up the path to Kanaya's hive, "Here goes nothing…"

Taking in a deep breath, you walk up the path and knock on the door. You hear shuffling and clacking of heels as the door opens and Kanaya appears. She looks at you and her face forms a small confused look.

"Hello Karkat, You Look Bothered. Shall You Come In?"

"YES, PLEASE."

She gives you an even more confused look at the used word "please" and opens the door more, for you to walk in. You make your way to the living room and sit in her loveseat, she sits down quietly across from you and waits patiently.

You open your mouth, but instead of words, a choked sob comes out as you bury your head in your hands, you hear Kanaya get up and walk over to you. A hand rubs your back softly.

"Karkat, What's The Matter?"

"E-EVERYTHING!"

You choke out, Kanaya gives you a concern look.

"Start From The Beginning."

**(SMALL TIME SKIP! :oD )**

"AND THEN HE KICKED ME OUT, DAMMIT KANAYA! FUCKING CAPTOR MUST BE ALL OVER HIM!"

You scream out, Kanaya stares at the floor, you can the shock on her face. Slowly she raises her head to face you, your sobbing and screaming like a Gog damn grub!

"Karkat Calm Down."

"I CAN'T! I LOVE HIM, SO GOG DAMN MUCH!"

"Then Tell Him, Only You Can. Apologize, Tell Him You Care. Before It's Too Late,"

You stare at her and nod slowly, wiping your eyes, you get up.

"THANK YOU KANAYA… AND… COULD YOU NOT TELL ANYONE THAT I WAS CRYING LIKE A FUCKING GRUB?"

She chuckles a paps you on the back.

"I Won't."

"THANKS."

You mumble and pull yourself together, nodding you walk to the door and sigh, you hope you can make it. You die if Gamzee kills himself, you'll fucking kill yourself, if he's fucking Captor, but you'll kill Captor first.

"Good Luck, Karkat."

You hear Kanaya say as you walk out the door and walk down the road to Gamzee's hive, if you see Captor, all hell will break loose, Gamzee is your matespirt, no one else's and everybody better fucking know it.

**BE SOLLUX—**

You're on your way back to Gamzee's hive, you didn't see Vantas anywhere, little bastard must of went in to hiding. Good, you hope that little shit dies, than Gamzee will be yours. You wonder how he looks without his makeup… Probably hot, you giggle to yourself, did you mention you're not /that/ sober? A little high, Gamzee didn't have any Sopor Slime, so you brought him some and had maybe a little taste.

You bob your head to unheard music and look up, a figure is in front of you, the figure turns around.

"YOU!"

Well, things are going to get interesting, you smirk as you walk towards Vantas.

"THE FUCK YOU DOING HERE?"

"ii 2hould be a2kiing you that."

You yell as he pulls out his sickles and charges at you.

_**A/N: HOW WAS IS? **_

_**sorry, sorry and motherfucking sorry. :o(**_


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: OH MY GOG!**

**it's been 5ever! **

**I'M NOT GOING TO RAMBLE, ON WITH THE SHOW.**

**just one thing!**

**I SUCK AT FIGHT SCENCES!**

**oh and it's a bit shorter than the others, just like my attention span!**

**STUPID JOKE, ON WITH IT!**

**BE KARKAT!—**

You charge at Captor, sickles pulled and heart beating fast. You bring your sickles up and slash down.

**BE SOLLUX!—**

You dodge as fast as you could and growl, still a bit tipsy from the slime and throw a punch.

**BECAUSEIDON'TWANTTOKEEPSWITCHING!THIRDPERSONPOV!—**

Karkat jumped back, finally noticing Sollux's disoriented movements, deciding he could take this to an advantage, he threw down his sickles and threw a kick, aimed for the other's face. Sollux being a bit slow at the moment, got the hit and flew back, wiping his mouth, he stared up at Karkat.

"fuck 2ake2.."

He muttered, finally realizing the dis-advantage he had, cussing at himself, he got up and ran at Karkat, pulling his arm back and throwing it forward, Karkat gasped and moved his head to the side, grabbing Sollux's arm and flipping him. Sollux yelled and hit the ground with a yelp.

"YOU CAN BARELY FIGHT, YOU SHOULD JUST GIVE UP."

Karkat yelled, Sollux winced and pushed himself up.

"not a chance!"

He yelled back and tried to punch Karkat again, Karkat shook his head and moved, flicking Sollux's forehead. Sollux stepped back and growled, rubbing his forehead.

"WHAT ARE YOU ON? I KNOW YOU CAN FIGHT BETTER THAN THIS, YOU CAN BARELY STAND ON THOSE WOOBLING THINGS, YOU CALL LEGS, FUCKASS."

Sollux whimpered, getting a headache.

"ii triied 2opor.."

He mumbled, Karkat broke out into full fledge laughter and shook his head.

"FUCKING IDIOT."

Sollux glared, "ii diidn't know… argh, fuck, my head…"

Karkat decided to take pity on his friend, since he still considered the douche his friend.

"GO TO SLEEP FOR A BIT."

He mumbled and elbowed Sollux at the back of his head, knocking him out cold. He stared down at the poor troll and shook his head, jumping when he heard a groan come from behind him.

**BE KARKAT—**

You slowly turn around and see Gamzee, stumbling and nearly crawling toward you. Automatically you rush over to him, he falls over, before you can catch him. Wincing you kneel down beside him and left up his head, putting it in your lap.

"k-karkat..?"

He whispered, staring at you through dazed eyes, you run your hand through his hair and nod. He looks at you confusedly and whimpers.

"WHERE WERE YOU..?"

You ask slowly and wipe some tears from the juggalo's eyes.

"out… getting drunk.. where were y-you?"

You frown and feel your heart break at how heartbroken he sounds.

"I WASN'T FAR.."

You whisper and lean down, kissing his forehead. He closes his eyes and relaxes a bit, you're an idiot for almost letting this go, for nearly fucking this up… Maybe you it is fucked up, he's drunk, maybe when he gets up, he'll never want to see you again. Your heart throbs and you kiss his forehead again, no.. Don't think like that, you shouldn't think like that. You should get him into the hive, before Captor gets up.

"G-GAMZEE… COULD YOU WALK?"

He looks up at you, confusion on his features, but nods. Nodding back you help him up and stumble with him inside his hive. You get him onto the couch and go lock the door. Not really caring you left Captor laying on the road, thinking of it makes you chuckle a bit. Going back to Gamzee, you see him stare at nothing in particular. There are the times you wonder what he's thinking about..

**(LETS SEE WHAT HE IS THINKING ABOUT!)**

**BE GAMZEE!—**

Your mind is a bit hazy, but you have a good idea what's going on, your little knight is sitting beside you, surprisingly quiet. You're happy he's here, even if he did hit you… You love him, so much it hurts. Doesn't everything hurt for you? You shake off that question, Karkat gives you a questioning look, but keeps quiet, which you're thankful for.

Your head throbs and you groan, this he doesn't keep quiet for.

"GAMZEE..? WHAT'S WRONG?"

You shake your head and whimper, laying down and putting your head in Karkat's lap.

"just be quiet… please.."

You whisper, he nods and strokes your hair, making the headache slightly easier to handle. Sighing a bit, you close your eyes and just let your mind wander. Will Karkat hit you again? What if he leaves..? You think the second one would hurt more, yeah… It would, a life without your knight? Hell. That what it would be. The thought makes you want to cry, just break down into sobs, but not tonight… Please not tonight, you think to yourself.

You yawn and curl up a bit, Karkat shifts a bit and kisses your cheek.

"SLEEP…"

He whispers, you hold on to his shirt and whimper.

"I'M NOT LEAVING, I'LL BE HERE WHEN YOU GT UP… NOW SLEEP."

Those words bring comfort, which makes you close your eyes and loosen the grip on his shirt. He continues to stroke your hair.

"GOODNIGHT…"

He whispers softly.

"goodnight my knight…"

You whisper back, before falling into a dreamless slumber.

**a/n: i apologize for the long wait.**

**I WAS JUST GOING TO DISCONTINUE AND LEAVE YOU ALL GUESSING!**

**aren't you happy now?**


	13. AUTHOR NOTICE, PLEASE READ?

**IMPORTANT** **NOTICE FROM** **ME, PRIDE MAKARA!**

HEY!

I'M STUCK IN A RUT, I'LL UPDATE SOON, I'M JUST SO MOTHERFUCKING DEPRESSED. I NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL. I'LL UPDATE SOON, JUST NEED TO GET MY LIFE TOGETHER, BETTER!

THANKS FOR THE REVIEW, FAVORITES, ECT. I REALLY DO ENJOY THEM ALL.

THIS IS A PROMISE, I'LL GET A CHAPTER UP SOON.

ANY WAY, SOME ONE PM ME? I'LL ROLEPLAY AND MAYBE JUST TALK. I LIKE TO RP KARKAT OR GAMZEE. DAVE TOO.

PLEASE JUST GIVE ME A FEW DAYS TO SORT THIS OUT AND DROP A PM. I'LL GET BACK TO WORK.

YOU'RE ALL ARE TRULY WONDERFUL!

THANK YOU!

**~PRIDE MAKARA**


	14. Chapter 13

**BE KARKAT -**

You stare down at Gamzee, so many thought running through your head. Will he forgive you? Will he take you back? Are you going to hit him again? That last one makes you wince. No, you won't. You promise yourself and especially him. You will never hurt him, you can't...

Gamzee shifts and turns toward you, slowly you run your hands through his hair and start to sing softly.

"DON'T HATE ME, FOR BEING MYSELF. DON'T HATE YOURSELF, FOR BEING TRUE. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT, I'M TO BLAME. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. I'M SORRY MY FRIEND, I FAILED YOU AGAIN...

I TRY SO HARD AND YET I SCREW UP, ALWAY FUCKING OUR DREAMS UP. DON'T LEAVE ME, I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU, I'M SORRY MY FRIEND, I FAILED YOU AGAIN...

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU, THAT MUCH IS TRUE. I LOVE YOU DEARLY AND I MUST BE CRAZY, PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. I'LL WALK FOREVER, JUST TO BE TOGETHER, I'M SORRY MY FRIEND, I FAILED YOU AGAIN...

PLEASE, JUST DON'T HATE ME, I CAN'T LIVE WITH THIS CHOICE, WITHOUT YOUR VOICE... I'M SORRY MY FRIEND, I FAILED YOU AGAIN..."

You blink away candy red tear that have formed in your eyes, 'Don't cry fuckass.' You tell yourself. Gamzee nuzzles your stomach and whispers to you.

"i don't hate you..."

You gasp and look down at him, he stares up at you, tears streaking down his cheeks. You wipe them away and hold his face, he blinks.

"HOW LONG... HAVE YOU BEEN UP?"

He shifts slightly and gives you a small shy smile.

"for awhile..."

You suddenly become very nervous and self conscious about your little song. Gulping slightly, you stare at him and ask.

"Y-YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME... RIGHT?"

Gamzee chuckles a bit and pulls you into a small sweet kiss.

"i did. i can't live without you either and i love you too..."

You can't help but smile, he still loves you, and it makes happier. You wouldn't be able to live with yourself, if you fucked this up and lost him. Haha Captor, Gamzee is yours and not his. You pull his closer to you and rub your noses together, he giggles some and hugs you. You return the hug happily.

"FORGIVE ME...?"

That left your mouth so fast, you didn't even know what the fuck you were saying. Gamzee pulls away and looks you in the eyes, indigo tears still in the rims. You already regret asking that, why are you so fucking stupid? Like he's going to forgive you...

"i'll try."

He nods and you feel like the fucking happiest troll in all of Alternia.

"THANK YOU! I'LL NEVER HURT YOU AGAIN, I PROMISE. I LOVE YOU."

Gamzee smiles and kisses your cheek.

"i love you too, karkles."

"OH GOG, NO, DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"honk!"

Gamzee burst into laughter as you scowl. 'At least he's happier.' You think to yourself, but you hate that nickname. Rolling your eyes, you jump up, Gamzee stares at you confusingly, still giggling some.

"where are you going?"

He sounds a bit scared, you pap his cheek and mumble.

"TO FIND YOU SOMETHING. FOR FUCK SAKES, YOU LOOK LIKE A SKELETON!"

Gamzee pouts and mumbles back.

"do not."

"YEAH-UH."

"nu-uh."

"YEAH-UH."

"nu-uh!"

"GOG FUCK, WE SOUND LIKE WIGGLERS!"

Gamzee breaks out into new giggles as you shake your head and go to the kitchen, hoping to find something.

**BE GAMZEE -**

You finally calm down as Karkat heads into the kitchen. Funny motherfucker, you honestly missed him. You really do love him. Your knight in shining armor... Okay, you have to admit to yourself that sounded gay. Never saying that again.

You get up slowly and make your way to the kitchen, there you see short stuff, trying to cook something that looks half decent. You will also admit, you barely have anything to eat. The smell of chicken hits your nose and your stomach growls; Karbro looks at you and raises an eyebrow, making you blush slightly.

"i have eaten today.."

You mumbled, he snorts and says back.

"OR YESTERDAY OR THE DAY BEFORE."

Damn him for being so true. You walk over and pull out a chair, deciding to watch him and his "adorabloodthirsty" ways. Your mouth waters from the smell, smells motherfucking good. Your stomach growls more, Karkat cocks his head to the side and mumbles.

"JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES, ASSHAT."

Well, that's new. The things this troll in front of you comes up with. You watch as Karkat moves his hips to unheard music, you lick your lips, maybe you're hungry for something else? Karkat turns toward you and dumps a plate in front of you, you look down at the chicken. What no side dish? Karkat looks at you and mumbles.

"SORRY, YOU'RE OUT OF FOOD."

"it's alright, motherfucker."

Besides, you already have a side dish in mind. Karkat tells you to eat slowly, making sure you don't upset your stomach, you listen to him. He watches you eat, making sure you eat slowly. You smile at him when you finish, Karkat gives you a small smile back and takes you plate, he washes the plate and puts it away. When he turns around, you jump up and grab his face, he stares at you wide eyed, automatically you slam your lips down on him, kissing him hard. Karkat gasps and kisses back. You would like that side dish now, or more likely the main course.

**A/N: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER?**

**WELL, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. **

**I'D LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE WHO PM'D ME! MEANS A LOT.**

**I GOT IT OUT! SO BE HAPPY! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? NO, JUST JOKING.**

**STILL A BIT DEPRESSED, STUPID FALLOUTS….**

**ANYWAY, PLEASE REVIEW AND I'LL GET TO WORK ON THE NEXT CHAPTER SOON!**


	15. Chapter 14

**BE KARKAT - **

You blush as Gamzee drags his tongue across your lips, you wonder what's gotten into him, but decide to ignore it and wrap your arms around his neck, he pushes you up against the counter. He nips your lip, causing you to open your mouth, quickly he darts his tongue in and moves it against yours. You shyly move your tongue with his, still not use to these "fun" times.

Gamzee pushes into you more, so you bring up your legs and wrap them around his waist, slowly you bit down on his tongue, not hard enough to hurt him, but hard enough so he can't move it. Gamzee makes a low whiny noise at the back of his throat, you chuckle a bit and start to suck on his tongue. A moan leave his mouth, making you a happy little troll. You let go of his tongue and pull away. Gamzee stares at you with lust in his eyes.

"motherfucking miracles."

A small smile plays onto your lips and he picks you up, carrying you to his bedroom. Walking up the stairs prove to be some difficulty, you clung to him, scared he drop you, he made it up and stumbled into the bed, gently dropping you on the bed. You laid there and stare at the bigger troll above you as he takes off his shirt. You look at his arms and frown a tiny bit, feeling like you caused some of the cuts on them.

"something wrong motherfucker?"

Gamzee shifts nervously, you shake your head and pull on his pants, trying to make him lay on the bed.

"NO."

He gets the idea and lays next to you, you crawl on top of him and straddle his waist, he stares up at you, while you lean down and kiss his neck. You lick along his earlobe, making a small moan come out of his mouth, grinning you move to the junction between his neck and shoulder and start to suck, Gamzee grits his teeth and holds back a moan, you frowned and sink your teeth it, just enough to draw blood.

"mother of fuck!"

You pull away and look down at Gamzee with concern in your eyes.

"SORRY, YOU OKAY?"

He nods and chuckles, "it's chill, felt actually motherfucking nice."

You smile and lean back down, kissing the bit mark you made and go farther down, kissing along as you do so. You stop at his stomach and lick around the navel, Gamzee groans and you trail your tongue back up and to his chest. Stopping, you move over and take one of his nipples into your mouth and suck hard. Gamzee moans, groping at you ass. You let out a small groan and move your tongue around his nipple, causing Gamzee to moan louder.

"motherfucker..."

You smirk and move on to the other, repeating the actions. Gamzee growls and pushes you off him, making you gasp, he gets on top of you and whispers, "enough foreplay."

He kisses you roughly, making a moan leave you mouth, which he takes advantage of.

**BE GAMZEE -**

You dart your tongue into Karkat's mouth and lick the top of his gums, making a long, low groan come from the troll under you. You continue to move your tongue over every inch of his mouth, while your hands push up his sweater and feel up his sides, Karkat shivers and let's out a needy whine. You chuckle and pull away, taking off his sweater and chucking it somewhere behind you. You dive back down and attack his neck, licking and nipping in sensitive spots. Karkat is gasping and moaning under you, making your extremely comfortable poke-a-dotted pants, a little too tight. You look down and notice a tent in Karkat pants, looking back up to him you smirk, Karkat blushes and turns his head to the side.

"look at me, karkat."

His head turns at his name, you lean down and give him a soft kiss, he kisses back just as softly. You let your hand trail down and start to rub his bulge through his pants. Karkat moans softly and the kiss turns from soft to heated. Karkat hands fly up to your hand and grips your horns, making you groan.

"N-NUUUGH. G-GAMZEE..."

He arches his back and moans your name again, you rub his bulge harder and you start to un-zip his pants, finally gett-

**KNOCK KNOCK**

MOTHERFUCKER! You both stop and stare at each other, Karkat's eyes widen and you stare back at him in confusion.

"FUCK, I FORGOT ABOUT SOLLUX!"

Oh... SolBro, where did he up and motherfucking go again? There's another knock at your door, this one more impatient. You let out a fustrated sigh and get up. Karkat gets up too and grabs his sweater, slipping it on, he waits for you to go. You walk out of the room and down the stairs, Karkat close behind. Sighing again, you walk over to the door and open it, Sollux stares up at you, confusion written on his face.

"sup motherfucker?"

"can ii come iin?"

Is all he asks, you nod and open the door enough to let the troll in. Instantly you feel the tension in the air. Mother of fuck...

**A/N: HAHAHA! COCK-BLOCKED! HOPE YOU ENJOYED! THIS IS THE THIRD PIECE I UPDATED TODAY! I'M SO HAPPY! (:B**


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